Ready. Set. Go.

I feel like I'm going to explode.
There are so many directions my life is going - so many ways I am being pulled.
Dallin, you need to wrestle harder.
Dallin, you need to be a state champion.
Dallin, you need to get straight A's.
Dallin, you need to be righteous.
Dallin, you need to have a social life.
Dallin, you need to be an active member of your family.
Dallin, you need to fulfill all of your church callings.
Dallin, you have $10,000 to raise in the next year and a half for a mission.
Dallin, you need to get your Eagle Scout.
Dallin, you need to get your Duty to God award.
Dallin, you need to score high on the ACT.
Dallin, you need to do your chores.
Dallin, you are the oldest son; you must be the example.
Dallin, you need to find a job.
Dallin, you need to stay focused.
Dallin, you need to work harder.
Dallin, you need to build a business.
Dallin, your Dad is really sick.
Dallin, the nice man down the street whose lawn you mowed this summer just died.
Dallin, you're not good enough yet.
Dallin, you need to have more fun.
Dallin, you need to eat more healthily.
Dallin, you need to stop having fun and get to work.
Dallin, your house is making you sick.
Dallin, your friends live 1,000 miles away. Deal with it.
Dallin, you need to hunt because our family needs food.
Dallin, you're better than this. Man up.
Dallin, you need to take care of your little siblings.
Dallin, you need to keep your weight down for wrestling.
Dallin, you need to stay happy.
Dallin, you need to keep peace in your heart.
Dallin, you need to smile.
Dallin, you need to go on more dates.
Dallin, your posture is bad. Fix it.
Dallin, you're failing physics.
Dallin, you need to breathe.
Dallin, you need to sleep more.
Dallin, you need to go teach with the missionaries.
Dallin, you need to look nice.
Dallin, the government is taxing you now, just so you know.
Dallin... Dallin... Dallin.
Oh boy, Dallin. You've got a lot to do.
My friends, I'm not tired. I can do this. The Lord is my Shepherd.
But I do feel... Overwhelmed.
Guys, I'm 16. I'm still trying to figure out who I am and how the world works.
Hold up just a minute so that I can gather my bearings.
I can do all of this. I can handle it. Don't worry. I am strong enough. But geez. This stuff would be so much easier to deal with if it weren't all coming at me at once. I don't even care about the easiness of it all, my problem lies more in the fact that time is a limited commodity.
THERE ARE ONLY 24 HOURS IN A DAY, AND ONLY ABOUT 18 IN WHICH I AM AWAKE. I DON'T SLEEP ENOUGH AS IT IS ALREADY.
LEAVE ME ALONE.
It would be very beneficial for me if I would make more friends here in Malad. Other than wrestling, I don't ever hang out with people here, which basically means that the entirety of my social life is online or at wrestling. That gets lonely. Really lonely. Loneliness is painful.
I love my friends, but video chatting, phone calls, and facebook chat are not sufficient social life for a teenager. I need to get out and experience the world.
....And somehow figure out how to deal with all the things on that list up there.
Breathe, Dallin.
Have faith.
Put in everything you have, and the Lord will cover the rest.
Ready.
Set.
Go.

People are astounding. They really are. I just love people a lot.
Also, the human voice is incredible. The voice holds such great power.
God made the world awesome. :D

Some Thoughts About Ballet

Dancing is a beautiful thing. Today I'd like to discuss ballet.

Ballet is amazing. It requires so much balance, focus, and strength. Watch this. 

And look at these pictures.

Notice the grace, poise, and beauty of the poses.

I'm not a huge fan of ballet, and I don't know much about it, but I do think it's very interesting.

I was thinking today about ballet. It has a lot to do with fluid motion. Sometimes gravity helps that motion. Sometimes gravity inhibits it. What if someone could figure out how to do ballet in a place where there is no gravity? What would that look like? Or what would it look like if ballet was done in a place with very little gravity such as the moon? 

I don't know. But I think the idea is very interesting. I haven't found it anywhere on the internet, so I don't think anyone has done it. A project like that would be made into a documentary or something, so it's bound to be within easy reach of a google search if it was there. 

I think zero gravity ballet should be a thing, because it'd be super cool. :D

So anyway. That's my thought of the day. Go forth and dream often, my friends. :)

-Dallin

P.S.

Ballet with lights is super cool. Just so you know. :D

Frustration

You don't have time to be frustrated.

Stop it. Right now.

Take a deep breath.

Life is hard and difficult things happen all the time. That's okay. If you get all worked up about it you're not helping anything, only making it more difficult.

Put your head down, go to work, and get it done. Open your eyes to the greater purpose. You can do this. You've proven it time and time again that you're capable. Do not try to rationalize giving up. It's not worth it. When you rationalize you limit yourself every time. Do not limit yourself. God doesn't limit you. What makes you think you are wiser than He is? You aren't. Don't put limits on yourself. It's stupid. Don't be stupid.

Instead look up and praise the Lord for his mercy. Thank Him for the abundance of blessings He has given you. Ask Him for help. He will help you. He will not do it for you, so don't ask for that. But ask instead for the attributes you need to accomplish your task, and praise His name regardless of what comes or doesn't. His wisdom is infinite.

Oh Lord, give me the courage to begin, the strength to continue, and the vision to finish. Help me to keep peace in my heart, I pray. May blessings fall upon all Thy people, and Thy will be done always.

Everything You Do Changes The World

Once you realize that absolutely everything you do changes the world, your actions will change.
Your choice to go to bed too late last night, or lie to a friend, or anything else that changes your mood for today absolutely changes the entire world. That's right. Your mood today changes the entire world. Today, because you are grumpy, you didn't smile at the distraught young lady you passed walking down the hall, or the sidewalk. You didn't sit down and comfort her. You walked right by... Just like everyone else. Because she feels so lonely, so isolated, and so unloved, she has now fallen into sin. You had the power to pick her up, and send her in a better direction. But you didn't, because you were in a bad mood and just didn't feel like she was important enough of a soul to be worth your energy. Now her children are forever affected as a result. And her children's children. And their children. Of course this isn't all your fault. I am not saying that. What I am saying is that there is a flip side to this.
Let's say that you didn't lie to your friend, or you didn't stay out too late, but instead you went to bed on time and got up early to go on a run. Let's say that you walked out of the house after an invigorating run and a good breakfast, and you saw this young lady in the same moment you would have before, and everything is the same, except that you stop to comfort her this time. You sit for just 15 minutes and listen to her problems and comfort her and give her a little bit of hope to hold on to. Sure, you're late for your class. Big deal. Do you know what you did do? You gave that young lady that little bit of hope that she had been looking so desperately for. Praying, and pleading with the Lord to send her just someone who will listen. As a result, she followed Christ. She raised a family with a loving husband, and had children who were happy and cheerful children. Children who went out into the world and did a lot of good. In fact, not only did you change the life of this young lady and her descendants, but you also changed the lives of almost everybody else on your way. See, you were smiling as you walked out the door this morning, and even happy enough to be singing. You were singing "Oh What a Beautiful Morning" from the musical "Oklahoma!" The person you never saw just around the corner from where you were walking heard your singing, and was inspired. They had a better day because of you. Not only that, but a better week, month, and life. There was the lonely old man you walked past. His wife died the month prior, and he was distraught. You smiled at him as you walked past, and greeted him briefly. Nobody had done that in a long time. He was just the old man that nobody noticed, and nobody cared for. But you did. He remembered that.

My friends, you don't have to do anything I'm saying here. It's entirely up to you.
But look at the good you have the potential to do every day.
If you have something that weighs on your soul, fix it.
If you have self-destructive habits, fix them.
If you are doing anything that makes you any less than the best you can be, stop it.

The Lord said,

"Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise. And the Lord God doth work by means to bring about his great and eternal purposes; and by very small means the Lord doth confound the wise and bringeth about the salvation of many souls."

Your actions are the small and simple means, and the Lord is counting on you.
One day you will look back on this life and you will see how all the pieces of life fit together.
One day you will see the wonderful things you did, and how you changed the world.
One day you will see the wonderful things you didn't do, and how you didn't change the world. That will weigh on your soul.
When you leave this life, leave it knowing that you smiled at everybody you saw, you sang down every street, you held love in your heart all the time, and you did all you can do.
Can you live knowing you've done anything less?

10,000 Pageviews, And An Excellent Bonus

Hey guys, this blog just hit 10,000 pageviews thanks to you.
Thank you. :)
This talk is amazing. You should go watch it. It will make your day happier if you let it. :)
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/the-home-the-school-of-life?lang=eng#watch=video
Remember:

1. The temple is the place.
2. To contend, you need two people, and I will never be one of them.
3. A child who sings is a happy child.
4. I need you to hug me.
5. I love the Book of Mormon and my Savior, Jesus Christ.
6. It is not enough to know the scriptures; we have to live them.

Now go forth and sing. :D

When I Raise My Children

When I raise my children, I want them to fear not failure or opposition, but instead embrace it with full and open hearts. I want to dance in the rain with them. I want to jump out of trees into great big leaf piles with them. I want to build giant snow castles and sleep in home made igloos. I want to go exploring in the woods and play hide and seek in the house. I want to read great stories of daring adventures with them. I want to have a book open in every room so that when they are ready to learn, the option is there, and I want the walls of my home to be lined with books. I want them to bake cookies to surprise me and accidentally put salt in place of sugar. I want them to sing and to laugh and to be joyful - and I want to be that way with them.

When I raise my children, I want them to never see my wife and I fight, but instead sit them down with a box of legos and a fantastic vision while my wife and I settle our dispute elsewhere. I want to treat my wife like the daughter of God that she is, that my children will see this, and know how to treat their mother. I want to be peaceful in my heart and conscious in my actions, that I may make place for the spirit of God to dwell in me.

When I raise my children, I want to bring the spirit of the Lord into my home. I hope to be worthy of that honor. I hope to be worthy of the honor and the responsibility God gave me by guiding me to the lady I shall marry, and giving me the children we shall raise together. I want to fill their heads with knowledge, their hearts with love, their bodies with strength, and their spirits with peace. 

When my children leave home, I hope to send them on their way with great dreams and aspirations, and a work ethic to match. Mostly, I hope to send them with the spirit. May it be so.

God's will be done always.

I Will Try to Be Your Hero

The other day I received a letter from a friend of mine. It was so beautiful. Touching enough, in fact, that I took 4 days to think about it before I thought to respond. With permission from the author, I choose share it with you in this post. The letter goes like this:

Hey, Dallin.It's been a really, really long time since I've seen you in class, and I miss you. You're really cool.Anyway, I have this notebook that I keep a bunch of stuff in. Mostly it's aspirations, ideas, memories, and stuff that makes me happy. I have a section all about my heroes, and you're in it. There are so many admirable things about you, and I was able to recognize that from the first time I ever talked to you.I actually wrote about you in my notebook like two weeks after first realizing that you even exist. Reading what I wrote, I realize that I didn't know very much about you, and I still don't. But I was able to see that you have a depth that most people very seldom show, that you have beautiful ideals, and that you can change the world. That's all true. And also, I think you have a unique capacity to love. Not just like feelings, but true, deep love. That is so, so beautiful.Anyway, that's all I wanted to tell you.Have a good day. :)

This blog post is my response to that letter, because I don't know how else to respond.
My Dear Friend,
I do not know if I live up to everything you state in your letter. I feel like there are a million other people who would suit your list of heroes far better than do I. Somehow though... I am there. What a sobering feeling. I didn't know that I could be seen like that. To me I'm just... Me. I'm just another guy that lives and laughs and loves. I am Dallin Ward and I am going to change the world, but I didn't know that I could change yours. I didn't know that I could be your hero. In fact, I feel wholly inadequate to be called such. I'm there though. Thank you for that.
All this being said, here is what I come to.
I will try to be your hero. I will do my best to be a man worthy of such an honor. I will remember this letter in times of trial and temptation and I will press forward. I will glorify God, and I will stay worthy to be your hero.
I will not forget you.
All the love in my heart,
Dallin Ward

I Am Lonely Today

I am lonely today.
Not that I'm complaining about it. I'm just lonely.
Loneliness is fascinating. So incredibly interesting to observe. It's difficult to feel, but rather enlightening as well. I wonder what I can learn.

Why Wealth?

Most people dream of wealth... Success... Fame.
So I had a question.
Why?
Why would a person want to be wealthy, isn't that just more money to deal with and more stress?
Then I thought about it for a while. People want wealth because they want experience. The world is so much easier to experience as a wealthy person. A wealthy person can give more, can travel more, can experience more, and make a greater impact on the world...
One day I'm going to be a wealthy person, and with that wealth I'm going to change the world.
I'm going to do so much good for so many people.
Come, join me. We'll go together, and we'll experience the world. We'll uplift everybody we see.
We'll do God's work, and spread His light to the nations.
We will change the world.

Well Done, Thou Good and Faithful Servant

"Well done, thou good and faithful servant."
When I leave this life, I shall go to my Father in Heaven. I shall kneel at his feet, and plead not for mercy, but worship Him for the mercy He has already given me. I shall thank Him for His kindness. I shall honor Him for His guidance which was given to me in this life.
I shall kneel at the feet of Christ with clean hands and a heart full of love. I shall thank Him for the inspiration His life was to me. I shall honor Him for His great plan of happiness. I shall thank Him for His atonement, which He performed for all the worlds.
I shall greet the Holy Spirit, and thank him for comforting me when I was sad, guiding me when I was lost, and helping me to serve when I had abundance.
Then I shall stand before the judgment bar of God, with clean hands and a pure heart, and with peace shall speak my case to my Father as to why I belong with Him. We'll review my life. And at the end, I only want one thing.
I want my Father to wrap me up in a hug, and quietly speak these words.
"Well done, thou good and faithful servant."
I want to leave this life knowing that I have done all I can do to glorify God, and I'm going to do it too. I will not be idle. God made me to do great things, and I'm going to do them. The Devil cannot stop me, and nobody stronger than he is trying to stop me, so I'm in good shape. I've still got a long life to live. I have a lot of people to help. A lot of opportunities to love and serve.
I am going to change the world.

One day... I really am going to leave this life.
When I leave, feel nothing but joy in my passing, for I am going to be with God.
And one day... He really will wrap me up in His arms.
And He really will speak such words to me.
"Well done, my son. Sit for a moment. Rest. What a marvelous effort you gave in that life.
Welcome home."

A Repost of a Post Which Never Should Have Been Deleted

Hey Kim, I think you're really beautiful.
Just so you know. :)

Loneliness

So this is loneliness.
Oh..
Okay.
Hello loneliness. Come, stay a while.
I need to feel something, at least.

Thank You, Chayce

It is incredible the little things that influenced me greatly in childhood.
Like the time that I used a hyphen on an assignment in elementary to make a wo-
rd extend to the next line. The teacher said it was the wrong thing to do. I simply responded, "That's how they do it in the Bible!"
That was in like... Second grade. Haha. :D
Little bits of my memory which stick out. The one I just mentioned is the one which has driven me over the years to improve my grammatical and punctuation skills.
There is one though which I think has influenced me more than almost any other.
A memory, which I can still hear and see from the hundreds of times I heard and saw it.
A girl, whose name was, and if she hasn't changed in the while since I've seen her, Chayce.
I never had a crush on Chayce or anything. But I watched her all the time. She was just. So. Happy. I never understood it.
One day, heading into band class for the hundredth time, I heard the familiar, "Hey Dallin!!! :D" And saw Chayce's bright, beautiful face as she greeted me the same way she had for years. The same way she greeted everybody, as far as I could tell. The way she greeted me even when I didn't think I had friends.
I decided that day that I was going to learn to be as happy as Chayce. It took effort. I had to consciously smile all the time. Be enthusiastic in my greetings to people. Smile more. Be optimistic. Smile more. Laugh more. Smile more. Care for people. Smile more.
It still takes effort.
That little memory has changed me. I'm not the boy I used to be. I am much happier. And, I make it a goal to brighten the lives of everybody I see every day, because I remember.
I remember what it's like to feel like I have nobody to go to and to have someone walk up to me and enthusiastically exclaim, "Hello Dallin! :D"
I remember what that did to my day.
And my week.
My month.
My year.
My life.
And so, the long owed thanks now comes.
Thank you, Chayce. You changed my life.
May God bless you forever, and may joy remain always in your heart.
Keep smiling. :)
Love,
Dallin

Why the Military is so Good for so Many People

Why is the military so good for so many people?
That's a question I thought about today. It's an important question for me, because I've thought seriously many times that maybe the military would be a good place for me to go.
I stumbled upon an article today. It is called 39 Gut Wrenching Photos of the Reality of War, Puts Everything Into Perspective.
Go take a minute and look at it. It puts things in perspective.

Now close your eyes and give a moment of silence for those who have given their lives for your freedom.

Back to the original question.
Why is the military so good for so many people?
Because it grounds them in what is real.
So what is real then?
This is real.

And so is this.

...And so is this.


Though it's not pleasant, it is real.
This is life and death at it's extremes. This is love and hate, joy and sorrow, happiness and pain.
War is the culmination of the extremes of human feeling.
That being said, do you know what else is real?

This is real.

And so is this.

And so is this.


Christ lives.
I testify to you with all of my being that he lives.
I love him. He is my savior. He has saved me from sin and death. I shall live forever.
So shall you, if you choose to accept him.
This is why the military is so good for so many people. It grounds them in what is real. It makes life so hard that they have to seek truth, because they can find solace in nothing else. They have to find what is real and hold so fast that their entire being becomes dependent on it if they are to live afterwords. Otherwise they perish.
So what is real?
Christ is real.
I believe in Christ.
Do you?

Bound for the Promised Land

I love this song with my entire heart. It fills my soul with fire.
This is my mission. This is my life. This is where I am going.

I am bound for the promised land.

Please, come with me.

13 Years Ago

13 years ago today, I sat in my living room and watched...

I watched as the world trade center was destroyed. 

I watched as people died.

I watched as the heart of America was broken.

I found this video today. Watch it, and then continue reading.

I really have very little to say. I feel like saying much at all would almost be irreverent.
God bless those people.
The only thing I must say is this.
We must not hate the people responsible for this. We must not be angered. We must not become defiled. Love is the only way to overcome this. We got Bin Laden, fantastic. I applaud all those behind counter-terrorism acts. But hate must not enter into our hearts.
If we hate, we lose. We lose the spirit of the Lord. We lose our unity. Eventually, we lose our freedom. It happens every time.
We cannot afford to hate.
Tonight, as you kneel beside your bed to pray, pray for the terrorists. Ask God to put truth in their souls and love in their hearts. Remember to pray for their victims too, but pray for the terrorists.
They need our prayers just as much as the victims.

Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; that ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
-Jesus Christ, Our Lord

Love

There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer;
No disease that enough love will not heal;
No door that enough love will not open;
No gulf that enough love will not bridge;
No wall that enough love will not throw down;
No sin that enough love will not redeem. . .
It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble, how hopeless the outlook, how muddled the tangle, how great the mistake--a sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all. . . if only you could love enough, you would be the happiest and most powerful being in the world.

-Emmet Fox

I Believe In the Big Bang Theory

I believe in the big bang theory.
I do. I really, really do.
According to The California Institute of Technology, the big bang theory is defined as follows:
"The universe began by expanding from an infinitesimal volume with extremely high density and temperature. The universe was initially significantly smaller than even a pore on your skin. With the big bang, the fabric of space itself began expanding like the surface of an inflating balloon – matter simply rode along the stretching space like dust on the balloon's surface. The big bang is not like an explosion of matter in otherwise empty space; rather, space itself began with the big bang and carried matter with it as it expanded."
I believe that.
I do have one question though. Where is the mechanism? What is the force which began it all? Surely the universe is not a random error which came out of nothingness. It is more than that.
Look at these pieces of universe.











You live among all of that.
Isn't it astounding?
How though? How did all of this come to be? How did matter begin?
I don't know.
But I bet God does.
See, God is the missing link. He's the answer to the great question of how it all began. One day, it will be proven by science. Why? Because all things denote there is a God. Science and religion are not separate entities. They work simultaneously, and prove each other to be true. That is to say, true science and true religion.
One may say that God doesn't need the big bang theory, He could just make it all appear.
That may be true, but it's not what scripture says.
Genesis chapter one clearly shows that God was very articulate and purposeful in his creation of the universe. Genesis 1:1 says that, "In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth." That's what the most accepted English translation says. However, there are more ways to translate this phrase.

Another translation provided by Reading the Old Testament: Introduction to the Bible (pg. 38) says it like this, “When in the beginning Elohim created heaven and earth—earth being untamed and shapeless . . . —Elohim said, ‘Let there be light.’”

This fits exactly with the big bang theory, which according to space.com starts like this:

"In the first second after the universe began, the surrounding temperature was about 10 billion degrees Fahrenheit (5.5 billion Celsius), according to NASA. The cosmos contained a vast array of fundamental particles such as neutrons, electrons and protons. These decayed or combined as the universe got cooler. This early soup would have been impossible to look at, because light could not carry inside of it. "The free electrons would have caused light (photons) to scatter the way sunlight scatters from the water droplets in clouds," NASA stated. Over time, however, the free electrons met up with nuclei and created neutral atoms. This allowed light to shine through about 380,000 years after the Big Bang."

Excepting the timelines, it fits just right. The universe was untamed and shapeless. Then there was light, and the universe continued to grow. The accounts support each other perfectly. There is no way that Moses when writing Genesis knew the big bang theory. His knowledge was the word of the great creator Himself. 

So when I am asked if I believe in the big bang theory, my answer is yes, yes I do; and I believe that God is the one who began and directed the process. 

What a marvelous process it has been.

Fire

I constantly feel uneasy. Restless. Unsettled. And I haven't been able to figure it out. But I think I have an idea.
I love big things. I love leading a great work or being a part of something great, or anything with a grand vision. Constantly I am enveloping myself in something that makes me feel that way. I pursue greatness almost like a drug. It's something inside of me. Always I am doing something to improve myself or help other people. If I'm not improving my mind with learning or my body with exercise, I'm probably serving somebody, and if I'm not serving somebody, I'm probably at work, and if I'm not at work, I'm probably talking to somebody trying to help them with something, and if I'm not doing that I'm looking for one of those things to do. I get so focused that I can't think of anything else. I want to help people. I want to change the world. It's not even a conscious focus. It's very subconscious. I don't like doing unproductive things as a result. I don't usually like small talk. I don't like television. I don't like video games. I hardly like school, (Although I am working really hard to learn to enjoy it.) Sometimes it drives me nuts. I want to just have a normal conversation sometimes. But I'm not very good at it. So I go away from a conversation where I've only talked small feeling angry because I didn't help them, or learn something myself.
A dear friend told me the other day that I should chill. Stop trying so hard.
She's probably right.
I just have such a great work to do, you know? And if everything I'm doing doesn't help somebody, than I'm wasting time, and I don't have time for that. But at the same time I don't want to burn out like a piece of paper, really bright, and really hot, but really fast. I don't want to extinguish myself, but I don't know how to slow down. I feel like I have a switch and I'm either really moving and getting things done or I'm not doing anything at all.
I will overcome this. I will learn when to be intense and when to be calm, and how to be both at once.
It's just hard to flow like the wind when you want to burn like fire.
You feel?

Making and Keeping Commitments

For once in my life, I'm doing it.

I'm doing something that I thought I couldn't do.

All of my life, I have struggled to make and keep commitments, but I'm doing it!

I want to stand on the rooftops of the world and shout, “Guys! I'm doing it! You can too!”

I've never struggled to make and keep commitments which I believed I could do. No matter how large. Practice wrestling 5 hours a day and skip meals to make weight while balancing school, family, and church responsibilities, meh. Big deal. I could do that, because I believed it. That commitment to excellence wasn't difficult for me to keep. I did it because I believed.

This year I took something on which I thought I could never complete. I was in my Journalism class one day, and we were talking about some thing or another, and the topic of Elevation came up. And I, being who I am, had a brilliant idea. So I raised my hand, and I said, “Hey! If we send a photographer to Elevation every year, why don't we send a journalist too?” and my mentor was like, “Hey! That's a great idea! Would you be interested in filling that role?” I said yes. But what I didn't realize in the moment was what I was getting myself into. As this idea started to develop and grow, so did my doubts. And by the time I was leaving for Elevation, I wanted almost anything but to be the Journalist. I felt like I had no clue what to do. I didn't think I could meet the demands. At the last minute there was a situation where they needed a new photographer, and I was on my end like “HEY! OVER HERE! I HAVE A NICE CAMERA AND I TAKE GOOD PICTURES, PLEASE PICK ME!”

But it wasn't to be. So I went as the journalist, did my thing. It was cool. But the whole time I was thinking, 'I may be able to gather this information, but how in the world am I going to put all of it together? And like... I don't think I'll make my deadlines, or have enough content, or write well enough. This was stupid.'

So I went home really believing that I would not finish my role as a journalist. That I would fail that Elevation grade and let everyone down because I didn't complete it. And, to be honest, I was okay with that. Inside I wanted to fail so that I could have an excuse for the rest of life. I wanted my life to be easier. To have another excuse to be less than extraordinary. But my deadlines were set, and I had an idea for an article that I really happened to like, and all of a sudden I made my first deadline. But more than that, I did really well. I turned in a well written article on time and with a good attitude. And my perspective changed from, 'I can't do this' to 'Hey, maybe this is possible' in an instant. So I did some more work, and just happened to make my second deadline. And guess what? I did a really good job. So my confidence started to rise. And I started to think, 'Hey, this isn't so bad after all. And you know what, Dallin? You feel really accomplished right now. You did something hard. Kudos, bro. Good job.' (Thought addressed to me because I talk to myself all the time. :D ) Last night I turned in my third article. And now I know. I can do hard things.

I can make and keep commitments.

Hm. Well that's neat. :D

At the school I attend, Williamsburg Academy, leadership is defined as making and keeping commitments. 

Maybe I really can be a leader.

Beautiful Eyes

I love eyes.
Oh goodness. I really do. Eyes are marvelous.
Lately, I've really been paying attention to people's eyes. More than my regular passing glance. I've been watching closely. Trying to learn something from everybody I meet without saying anything at all. It's pretty amazing some of the things I've learned.
I think the biggest epiphany I've had though is that there is not a single person in the world that doesn't have beautiful eyes. Trust me. I've looked. And though I've not been around the world, I've seen it. The internet made that possible.
Your eyes are beautiful. Why? Because your soul shows through your eyes. There are ways to enhance the outer beauty of the eyes, but that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about looking past the makeup and eye color. Into the soul of the other person. There is light there. It doesn't matter if you are Hitler or Ghandi. There is light. Some men have very little. They've suppressed it. Some men haven't done anything with that light, only left it to remain still. But then there are those who cultivate that light. Those are the people who have the most beautiful eyes.
It is said that when giving a speech, it doesn't matter what you say to the people, because people will never remember your words. But people will remember how you made them feel. That statement applies to a person's eyes too. Sometimes when you look at a person, their presence strikes you. You automatically gravitate towards them. Why? Because of the light in their eyes, I believe. Something in each of us outside of conscious thought is really good at seeing the light in other people's eyes, and when that something recognizes the sort of light you are most seeking in another person, it signals your brain. BAM! You are struck by their presence. You may not even notice that they have beautiful eyes. But if you look, you'll see that they do. Everybody does, because the eyes tell a story that the mouth cannot. The eyes tell the story of the good and the bad. The suffering and the glory. The trials and joy. There is a reason that it's difficult to look people in the eyes. Sometimes you see more than you want to, or give away pieces of yourself which you wished to keep hidden. If you divert your eyes, other people have a harder time seeing that.
Really, they eyes are the key to vulnerability and authenticity.
So look closely next time you're out. Maybe even spend an hour on a park bench watching people's eyes as they walk by. You'll learn a lot more than you'd think.
Try it. Maybe you'll see what I see.

I Don't Feel, and I Miss It

Sometimes I amaze myself at how little I feel.
Seeing this from a completely logical perspective.
But I miss feeling things.
I miss feeling a lot of things. And, really, I do feel most things. Happiness and pain. Anger and sadness. Joy and hope.
I just lack feeling connected. I think that's what it boils down to. I love my friends so much. But I don't feel connected to them. Not like I used to, and that is not their fault. My friends online I don't feel connected to for reasons unknown to me. My friends in person I don't feel connected to because I seldom if ever see them. That's my fault, really.
But why? Why even when I am with these people do I struggle to feel? It's interesting to observe, but it's lonely to experience. I don't know what I did. I don't know what changed. Whatever it was, I wish I could change it. I desire to change it. It just feels like every time I begin to connect with somebody, I hit a wall. A wall so great that I can't jump it. I can't dig under. I can't go around, and I can't climb it. I have to break it. But I have no clue how. My efforts of will seem to come to nothing. My ideas of what is wrong all seem to come to naught. I feel helpless.
And it makes me frustrated. Because I miss that. I miss being chatted by someone saying, "Hey Dallin! I've got this grand epiphany to share with you!" And then really feeling their words as they spell out their ideas to me. I miss having my own epiphany as they share theirs. I miss feeling happy with myself and happy in my relations with friends.
I miss feeling good in plain old casual conversation with my friends.
I want to feel those things so bad.
But I don't.
Oh well.
Life goes on.

Power Struggle: Advice to Parents on How to Deal With Teens

Oh the power struggle.
Adult vs. Emerging Adult.
What a silly, silly thing.
It doesn't do anybody any good. Nobody is benefiting from this fight. Everybody loses. Adult loses respect of child, child loses faith in adult. Nobody wins.

So, let's start with why.
It's important to start with a why.
Why am I writing this post?
I am writing because I believe my words have the potential to help parents and children to get along better.
That being said, here we go.
We all know the scenario.
Child does something parent doesn't like. Parent warns child to stop. Child continues. Parent threatens child. Child continues. Parent punishes child. Child resents parent. Child waits until parent isn't looking and does said act again until caught. Parent finds out and punishes child more severely. Child resents parent even more, and rebels with more vigor. Parent punishes with more vigor. Anger and resentment build, relationships and families are broken. Repeat cycle.
How do we break that cycle?
That's a good question. It's a vicious cycle that escalates quickly.
It starts in the heart of the parent.
How does the parent respond to disobedience internally? I ask this question because it doesn't matter how the parent responds externally. If they feel something different internally than they do externally, what's inside will come out eventually with more vigor than it should as a result of being bottled up. Bottled up feelings never leave until released. They never just go away. It takes conscious effort to be rid of them. Beside that, children are especially sensitive. They can feel bottled up feelings. Act externally as you feel internally, and then if what you did was wrong, change how you think so you may change how you act.
There are basically two ways to respond to rebellion.
#1 Respond with force.
Responding with force is great in the fact that it does no good at all. Sure, it gets immediate results. Especially initially. The problem with responding with force is that the parent isn't actually teaching the child anything. The parent is imposing their will upon the child and expecting them to conform without a question. This makes a child feel squished. Stomped on. Children have dreams and hopes. Ideas and questions. If a parent never addresses those, how can they expect a child to learn and grow? How can a parent expect a child to learn how to be a good, decent person? The use of force is the worst way to raise a child.
#2 Respond with guidance.
Responding with guidance is difficult. A parent will never get the immediate results they desire which they would from force. However, being a parent isn't about imposing your will upon your child. It's about teaching them how to be a good person. Responding with guidance requires greater effort on the parent's part, and greater willingness to deal with the consequences of their children's actions. Parents must remember, as soon as children are born they start making decisions. People will fail. People will make mistakes. If a parent does not allow their child to make decisions for themselves, (even if those decisions are mistakes) while they're at home, how does a parent expect their child to make proper decisions when they leave home? Unless their child is in mortal danger, parents should very seldom if ever use force. Using guidance is a great thing. It's not just about letting a child make mistakes. It's about letting a child develop confidence in him/herself. It's about allowing a child to be a child, no matter what kind of mistakes they make. Children are smart. One way or another they'll figure out what's right and what's wrong. Parents must be patient in the meantime. When a child is going into a situation where the parent thinks they may do something wrong, a parent should give advice and then respect the decision that the child makes. Eventually, as the child learns that the parent is right, the child will come to the parent for advice with an open heart. That is a healthy relationship.
A word of caution on giving advice.
When giving advice to anybody, especially a child, it needs to really be advice. It must not be a command phrased like advice. That's worse than a straightforward command, because it makes the parent seem sly and untrustworthy. If a person gives advice and then gets angry when the person they give advice to doesn't follow it, that's not advice. That's a command. Advice must be given with the understanding that whomever it is given to has the choice to accept it or not. Also, advice given that is not welcome is worse than not saying anything at all. A person is wise to make sure their advice will be accepted before they say anything at all. One good way of doing that is simply to ask. May I give you a piece of advice? If they say no, don't give it. Plain and simple. If they say yes, speak gently and with love. Any other way will be far less effective.
Basically, a parent ought to treat their child like they were given that child from God himself.
Because they were.
Remember that.
A person may say, "You are 16, what do you know about raising children?" or, "You haven't met my child. You have no clue how hard this would be."
To both of those points I concede. That person would be correct. I have never raised a child of my own. I don't know their child. That's correct. And that's okay. They are entitled to their opinions. But I am correct. I never said that this way of raising children would be easy. I never said I had experience in it. I never even said that children will grow up to be the adult that the parent wants them to be. But the child will have made that decision for him/herself.
I may be naive, but I am not foolish. I understand what being a parent is about. It's about being an example for my children. Guiding. Loving. Respecting. Taking care of and providing a living for. Teaching them what I believe to be true. And, in all of this, allowing them to maintain their agency.
I understand that it will be difficult. How difficult? I do not know. But God will help me.
So, I have a question for you.
Are you raising your children properly?
Or, if you do not yet have children,
Do you intend to raise them properly?
It's something to think about. Think long and hard, because this is a duty given to you by God.
Don't let Him down.

If I Had a Million Dollars

If I had a million dollars, I would serve the world.
I'd go to Africa and do more than spend a couple of weeks there and have a feel good story to remember years later. I'd go to Africa and live there for a couple of months or a year and really get to know the people. Understand the place. I'd serve them, love them, and become one of them.
I'd go to South America and learn how they live. I'd become one of them. I'd teach them, learn from them, love them, and serve them.
I'd go to the homeless shelters in America and teach the homeless how to become wealthy, but more than that, I'd learn how to be poor from them. There is more wisdom in that than you'd think.
I would climb to the very top of Mount Everest itself and proclaim to the world the light of Christ.
You see, that's the way to bring people out of poverty.
That's the way to make people wealthy.
That's the way to happiness.
The light of Christ.
Love of all men.
See, it all comes down to one point, and the point is this.
That if I really, sincerely love you, and you really, sincerely love me, the world will change.
Poverty will disappear almost overnight. Hate will be gone.
Violence, envy, war, corruption, lying, pride, anger, resentment.
Gone overnight.
So you see, the way to change the world is to show the people in it how to love each other.
Because if I sincerely love you, and you sincerely love me, and we sincerely love every one else, and they love us, the human genius will be unlocked.
All of a sudden, with the disappearance of sin, will also come the disappearance of hunger. Poverty will be gone. Slavery and tyranny will cease to exist.
The world will prosper beyond comprehension.
So you want to change the world?
Love other people.

If I had a million dollars, I would spend it teaching people how to love.
That's what I'd do.
What about you?

Untitled

My heart feels good tonight.

I feel at ease. Comfortable. Happy. Full of love for all people.

I feel like the gates of my heart have been opened. Like my heart which I have guarded so closely for the last while is finally free. I feel like I can really love people again. Without reserve. I don't feel scared or ashamed. I feel peace.

Come, see my heart. See my soul. It's okay. Those things were meant to be seen. Never hidden, but shown forth like a medal, a badge of great honor. Honor so great that it was bestowed upon me by God himself. 

What a wonderful blessing.

I just want to scream to the world,

I am not ashamed! :D

Isn't it wonderful? :D

Come, be a part of me. Of my life. Of who I am. I would love that. I really would. Because I love you.

I love you.

I really do. 

Isn't it wonderful? :D

The Impossible

Were you ever told as a child what was and wasn't impossible?
Did you ever say, "Daddy, I want to invent a time machine!" or, "Mommy, I want to fly without a plane!" Did you ever say anything like that?
I did.
Most of the time the adults I was talking to would look at me, smile, and say, "Okay, you do that. :D" or, "How exciting! :D How are you going to do it?"
But sometimes, I'd have a really fantastic idea. One that would absolutely change the entire course of history and mankind. I'd even have a mechanism for my idea. Granted, the usually naive type of mechanism that comes from a child's brain, but a mechanism anyway. I'd get excited and share my idea only to have some adult or another say, "Oh no, child. You can't do that. That's impossible." and then site some law of physics or something. So I'd look at them, and say, "Okay, watch me." as is the nature of many children. Then I'd go to work on how to do it. But the harder the work got, the deeper the thinking and learning, the more I'd realize how far I had to go, and the more that voice would echo, "Oh no, child. You can't do that. That's impossible." And every time I heard it, I started to rationalize the idea of quitting. "Well, this will take too long. And I never really wanted it anyway." Or, "Meh, they're right. I'm too young anyway." And I'd never give my idea the time it deserved. Thus, over time, my ideas became only ideas. Nothing more. Because I was told by everyone around me whether by direct speech or means more subtle that my ideas couldn't work. So I stopped believing too.
What would have happened if I was never told that anything I believed was impossible? How would my life have changed? To be honest, probably not at all. I probably would have never finished a single one. But do you know what I would have? I would know for sure that whether I failed or succeeded, the people I shared my ideas with would believe in my ability to achieve the impossible. That's a simple knowledge that goes a long way. More than just childhood whims. That knowledge carries on into adulthood. Into everything a person does for the rest of their lives, knowing that somebody believes in them will push them past where they would normally go. That's important.
So, to the great thinkers, dreamers, and minds of the world today. Young and old, free and enslaved, rich and poor.
Silence the critics.
It doesn't matter what they say to you. It doesn't matter what they think of what you are doing.
Do it anyway.
Love them, and be polite. But when it comes right down to them getting in your face and telling you that it will never work, silence them.
They are not worth your time.
Instead surround yourself with other great minds. People in search of the impossible just as you are. Find the people that are willing to challenge everything, even to the existence of God itself, and never deny truth no matter the results. They will uplift you. They will help you. They will inspire you to greater things than you ever thought possible. In their presence, you will find truth.
And never, ever, tell someone what is or isn't impossible, because with those words you shape a person's belief in themselves to achieve.

Most importantly of all remember this.
Never tell a child what is or isn't possible, for chances are by the time they grow up, it will have happened. If you tell them that anything at all is not possible, you take away much of their potential to create and achieve.

Now go find the impossible.

Why I Don't Wear Sunglasses

If you know me, think about the times you've seen me.
If you don't know me, go stalk me on Facebook and Google+. That's totally fine with me.
Very seldom will you see me with sunglasses. Mostly when I'm driving, or when a friend finds a pair on the bottom of a creek and gives them to me. (Shout out to those Canadians. ^_^ )
I just don't like them. Here's why.
Communication is one of the most important things in the world. Without communication, we are nothing. This, what you're reading right now, it's communication. From me to you. The device that you are reading this on, that's the result of a communication of ideas from someone that had the idea to someone else who knew how to make it happen. The Earth itself is a great big result of communication from God to the elements of the universe saying, "Hey, I want you to be here and act in this way."
That's how it is.
There are different forms of communication just as there are different parts of people.
There is physical communication. Punching someone in the face. Giving someone a hug. Giving someone a massage. Those things are physical communication. And while they convey other types of communication as well, they are primarily physical; just as the examples to follow will be primarily in their own categories.
There is emotional communication. This one really isn't conveyed on it's own. It moves mostly through physical and mental communication by way of words and deeds.
There is mental communication. Conveyed through speaking, mainly.
Then there is one that is quite special. Something that God gave us, but something that is often overlooked.
Spiritual communication.
How does a person communicate spiritually? I'm not talking communicating with other spirits that don't have bodies. That's devilish. I'm talking about communicating with the spirits that are the people which are around you. The spirits of your friends, your family, your neighbors. Living people.
How does that work? Is it just a feeling? Is it conveyed through other forms of communication?
To be honest, I don't know exactly. I have my ideas, but I really don't know for sure.
But, here's what I do know.
The eyes are the windows of the soul.
In your eyes exists your entire being. Your soul. Your life, your energy, your spirit.
And in your eyes, I can see that. I can see your soul. That is how I communicate spiritually.
I need to see your eyes.
We must remember though. Communication is a two way thing. I convey my message, you respond, and vice versa.
I need you to see my eyes. Because I won't always tell you what I feel or think. Even if I want too, I can't always say it. Communication of the spirit does not translate well into speech.
I want you to know what I think, what I feel, what I know. I want you to understand, because as articulate as I am on this blog, I can't speak like I write. But I can show you what I mean. You only need to see my eyes. You only need to speak with my soul.
Sometimes I don't want people to see my soul. I don't want you to see my sorrow. My shame. My guilt. I was built to uplift and inspire, to edify and to spread joy. Not to bring people down. I don't like people to see my sadness. As vulnerable as I try to be, I have walls too. Walls that I sometimes don't know I have until they break and the vulnerability trapped inside of them gushes out like a dam burst all at once. And that's the thing. I want to be vulnerable. I know that vulnerability is the only way to a sincere and fulfilled life. It's what God tries to get a person to recognize all their life. Be humble. Be meek. Be submissive. Be you, is what he's saying. Be vulnerable. Because when you've truly vulnerable, you're being who you really are.
If you ever want to know something from me, look at my eyes. Make me look at you. You'll see everything you need to know. Because you'll see me for who I am. I won't hide who I am behind a dark screen. I won't run. I will stand. I will be vulnerable.
Will you?

Finding Passion In Life

People say all the time to follow your passion.

Maybe that's a flawed idea.

I was watching a TED talk by Mike Rowe the other day. He was talking about hard work and the different jobs that people do, and I had this epiphany as he was talking.

Maybe living a passionate life is less about doing what you are passionate about and more about being passionate in everything you do.
I think that's a very valid point. Think about it. What are you passionate about? Can you do that for a living?
Probably not.
If you can, do it! :D I am definitely not saying that you should not follow your passions if they're feasible. But for most people they're not.
So maybe you will never get to travel the world. Maybe you won't get that job you want so bad. Maybe you won't live in a beach house on the coast. Maybe you will. But if you don't, that's okay! :D Look all around you! There are people to love and things to see, fortunes to make and joy to spread! Life is so marvelous if you will just open your eyes and look around!
Really, what I'm saying is, don't focus so much on one thing that your life becomes dependent on it. Learn to find joy all around you, and the Lord will take care of the rest. You will live a passionate life if you remember to be happy in all situations, no matter how difficult. When you have troubles finding joy, look to the Lord. He will help you. You will be happy.
Happiness comes from the little things. Remember that.
Love,
Dallin

Your Great Unwritten Story

It seems that in the past few years old, worn out looking clothing has become a thing.
Ripped and/or bleached jeans.
Worn out looking boots and other shoes.
Ripped/worn looking tee shirts.
Even ripped and worn hats are becoming a thing.
More than that, worn out and old things have become a thing for homes. One of my Mom's friends owns an interior furnishing store. As a result, her house is furnished and decorated very well, and all the new trends are used. She has (Or had last time I was there, probably still has) so many decorations to make her house look old. Beat up looking clocks. Fake books on the tables and shelves that look really old with leather outsides and metal bindings. Old looking picture frames. You know. Going for the antique, authentic look. It looks nice. But why?
Why do people want to look and appear to be old, antique, worn and torn?
What has changed in our culture that makes us think it looks nice to look like like we live in poverty instead of the extreme wealth that our culture in America really lives in?
I know what the answer is. But it has nothing to do with how nice the clothing or furniture appears.
Of course, being who I am, I'm not going to give you the answer yet.
Sit for just a moment and think about it.
Why do you wear worn looking clothing? Why do you try to make your house look old?
Close your eyes and think. Really think.
What are you trying to accomplish with that look?

I know. Do you?

With the advent of instant communication and endless entertainment has come a loss of identity. A loss of culture. A loss of all things that make life great and people happy.
It makes me so sad to see how America has changed in the last 100 years. 100 years ago Americans knew what their culture was. They lived it every single day of their lives. It was a culture of hope and love. Service and giving. Fun and excitement. Integrity, ingenuity, and innovation. A culture of singing and dancing.
What have we now? A culture of mindless communication, mindless education, and mindless entertainment?
Pretty much.
People used to live! They used to go dancing. Not modern dancing. Real dancing. With a partner and music that was beautiful. They used to watch what was going on outside of the car/buggy instead of what was happening on their phone. They used to sing because radios were not easily portable or even common, and ipods didn't exist. They used to love for real, and have real relationships, because it was impossible to avoid the painful parts of relationships, which are the things that make relationships real. They didn't have the option to simply not text back or block them on their phone and avoid them in real life. It didn't work that way. If there was a problem, they had to look the other person square in the eye and work it out, or end the relationship. People used to read and educate themselves with purpose and vigor! Not mindless boredom. People couldn't numb the pain by turning on the new episode of their favorite show and losing themselves in the story. If they had TV, there were about 3 channels. And there was only one TV. For a very long time it was unheard of to have two. People used to deal with pain, learn to love, work hard, experience real disappointment, experience real joy.
People used to live.
Not the fake stuff that we pretend to have now. People used to have real lives.
And that's what we're searching for! That is the great hope of mankind! To live a real, authentic life!
Most of us just don't know that. We don't realize that we can live a great life, or we give a piece of ourselves away and choose not to. So we lose ourselves in whatever we can find, just trying to feel something, or not feel something. Trying to just make it by instead of really living.
For goodness sake, go live! What are you waiting for? If you're waiting for your great opportunity, it's not going to come on it's own. You have to go get it. Life will give you what you want. The question is, how bad do you want it? Do you want it bad enough to go do something about it?
Anyway. I'm getting distracted on a conclusion that is not the one that I am meaning to get to. Please, forgive me.
Going back to my earlier question.
Why do people want to look and appear to be old, antique, worn and torn?
People want what their grandfathers and great grandfathers used to have. They want to live. They want to feel authentic. They want to have a story.
They just aren't brave enough to go write that story. It's too uncertain. Writing a story is painful. It's hard to compose a masterpiece. So people choose to stay as they are. Not anything great or special. Just there. Filling some sort of void while not realizing that their wasted potential is creating a void within themselves. So they feel empty. And try to fill it with empty learning. Empty communication. Empty entertainment. And they know deep down that these things aren't making them happier. Making their lives better. But they live like that anyway. Just doing enough to not really feel bad, but not feel good either. All of this being said, they don't want it to appear on the outside like they're not really living. That would make them seem boring. And if they seemed boring, that would make people notice them less. Which means that they would have to start spending more time noticing things inside of themselves. Which would be painful, because that's exactly what they're trying to avoid.
So they wear ripped jeans. They wear worn boots and hats. They decorate their houses to look old. Because old things have a story. And they so desperately want to have a story. So, so very desperately. Enough so that they will spend a hundred dollars on a pair of ripped jeans to seem like they did something noteworthy and ripped their jeans as a result. If they wanted to really live, they would have bought a whole pair of jeans for forty dollars, and spent the remaining sixty on dancing lessons. Or given it to charity. Or gas to go camping. Saved it for something grand. Invested it in a business. Something to make the world better. But they didn't. They bought a pair of ripped jeans instead.
My dear friends. Go do something great today, okay? Write a story for the book of your life.
Do not wake up one day and realize that it is too late to live your dreams. You will regret it forever. Live now so you can smile when you leave life.
The great Lao-tzu said, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
Take that step today. Even if it's not a very big one. Take it.
If you're already walking, start running. Your story is not written yet. There are still many pages to fill. It's up to you to fill them. Do it.
You will be happier. I promise.
May you be with God in all your travels.
All my love,
Dallin

The First Goodbye

"See you in a few years, my friend. And, if such be the case, have a wonderful life and I'll see you in the next one.
Goodbye."

Why must such words be said? 

Why can't good friends be together forever?

Why. Why. Why.

I had so much to say to you. So many things to do with you. So much time together that we should have had which seems to have been stolen by distance. By a few meager miles in a universe where our source of heat and light is nearly 10,000 times further away than you are. A distance between us so small that light travels it in 7 millionths of a second. 

A distance which is incomprehensibly far.

Well, here's the first of many goodbyes. Or, the first that I have really felt anyway. Oh dear. This life is going to be difficult if saying goodbye to all my friends is this painful. Maybe I'll get better at goodbyes. I don't know. Anyway. Ready or not, here I go. Again.

Remember that I love you.

Know that I believe in you. You will do great things. I believe you will change the world.

Know that you have changed my life in greater ways than I can tell you.

Stay true to God and yourself, and cling to hope and truth like your life depends on it, because it does.

Smile often.

I will never forget you.

Goodbye, my friend.

All the love in my heart,

Dallin

The Williamsburgerer's Lament

I love my friends.
The end.
But I have a problem. I don't live with my friends. They aren't near me. They are in Canada and Pennsylvania and Utah and Virginia and California and Washington and everywhere else but here. I do have friends where I live. But not like I have friends in other places. It's not the same. My friends and I here, with only a few exceptions, are not very close.
I got to see some friends today. It was great. I love them so much. But I hurt now.
I left a piece of my heart with my friends.
God bless them.
Why can't we all just live in the same place? Why can't we live and grow and laugh and love together in the same place? Instead of... Different places. Places far enough apart that for most of the year they may as well be different planets. Different worlds from which our only communication is this silly little thing that we call a computer. We don't see each other. We don't hang out like other high school kids do. I don't even know what that is like. To be with my friends every weekend. To physically sit in class with them every day. To play sports with them. You know. Normal high school kid things.
That hurts.
Because the more I get to know my friends, the more I am with them, and the deeper my relationships become, the more pieces of my heart I give every time I leave them.
Kids talk of getting guns and phones and books for Christmas and birthdays, but I just want my friends to actually be with me on those days.
Is that too much to ask? To simply be with them? Must I be separated from them for the rest of my life? Must I feel isolated?
I feel like I stand on an island in the middle of the sea full of people that don't care about me, or live too differently to understand and connect with me. I walk among them more like a ghost than a person; seen as frightening by some and received warily by most. Friends with few, and good friends with far fewer. I see my best friends all around me on their own islands. But it's an illusion, because they're not really there. I can talk to them, but never be with them. For when I try to touch them, they disappear like a mist, carried away by the breeze. Always within reach yet never within grasp. And sometimes I look up and they're real and there and I am with them. But they never can stay for long enough. Soon again they are off, headed back to their own place or I to mine, taking yet another piece of my heart with them, and I a piece of theirs. Back to our own islands with the people that never will understand what it's like to have friends more like visions than people.
I just don't want to be alone. The world gets harder to live in every day, with ever increasing corruption and deceit, violence and sin. I just want someone to hold my hand and and tell me everything is going to be okay. But I don't want to find that comfort virtually. I am tired of staring at this screen. I was meant to do things. To change the world. To make it a better place. Not to simply sit and talk with my friends about things that we cannot change while we're sitting, staring at a screen.
I will change the world.
I only want someone to be there with me when it happens.
Is that too much to ask?

The Problem I Have With "Modest Is Hottest"

"Modest is hottest." We've all heard this cute little phrase used to make young women think that dressing modestly is better than otherwise. Many have found issues with this phrase, such as it sending contradictory messages because dressing modestly to appear "hot" defeats the purpose of dressing modestly and the fact that it's just a cute little phrase that doesn't actually have any significance. The problem I have with their problem is that the word "hot" as it is used in this saying has a definition that is so relative that it can't be solidly defined. It's a slang word. That's their purpose. So while the word hot may have sexual connotations in some respects, it can be argued that it's not a sexual term at all. Thus because of the fact that hot as used in this phrase is a slang term, it cannot be argued solidly that there is anything wrong with this phrase in that way.
Here's my problem with the phrase.
My problem with the phrase "Modest is hottest" is not that the word hot is used. That word is so relative that it's hard to understand what it means anymore. My problem with the phrase is that it defines a woman's beauty by the clothes she is wearing. How awful is that?
That means that this girl

Is more beautiful than this girl




Simply because she has nicer clothing.

Think about it.
It's a terribly vain view of the world.
Is that all a man sees a woman for? Her clothing?
More importantly,
Is that all a woman sees herself for?
Think about it.

When I Fall in Love

When I fall in love, I want the light of Christ to shine in her eyes like the sun lights up the morning. I want her to be as happy as Pollyanna and wise as Viktor Frankl. As gentle as Mother Teresa and strong as Emma Smith. I want her face to radiate joy and light.
I do not think she will be this way when I meet her. But that's okay. In fact, I think that's great. I want to learn with her. Grow with her. Improve myself along with her as she improves herself. Give my heart and soul to her. I want to see that she is willing to go through Hell with me, and come out better because of it. Willing to grow with me. Willing to do hard things, and become a more perfect person with me. Willing to receive my heart and soul as her own. Willing to be with me for eternity.
I want to fall in love with her heart, mind, and spirit far before I ever fall in love with her body. I want to be her best friend. I want to help her be happy. I want her to feel loved every moment of every day. I want her to feel like the most beautiful woman on Earth. Because in my eyes, she will be. She already is. I don't know who she is. Where she's living at. What her life is like. Or even if she's in the same country that I am. But I do know that she's alive. She's breathing. Her heart is beating and she's experiencing the same moment that I am. Maybe she'll see this one day. I don't know. I really don't.
I want to be the man that sweeps her off her feet. I want to hide little notes telling her how much I love her in places that she'll find them throughout the day. I want to give her a home and and a family. I want to provide the things necessary to life for her. I want to give my life to her. I want her to be happy.

Anyway. That was... A post. Not really sure why I wrote it. But uh, here it is. I hope you liked it. Haha. :D

**Author's note: This post made me feel super vulnerable. I'm not really sure why. I shouldn't feel vulnerable or hesitant to share things like this. They should be evident already. But uh, I do feel vulnerable. So yeah. Haha. :D Also, this. Yeah. This. I like this. :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hFT853OYfg **

Numb

When you feel numb, don't do stupid things to try and feel something. I know it's a desperate feeling to be numb. Trust me. I've been there. I know that you are desperate to feel something - anything at all, but it's not worth it to do stupid things to try and feel. I promise. Pray the the Lord and be patient. He will help you.

Leading by Example

Today I learned something about leading by example. It was a chastisement from God to me, really.
Let me tell you a story.
I was at work all day today. 8:00 to 7:00. When I got home I was so tired. I really just wanted to come sit and learn something or listen to music. Maybe talk to a friend or two. Do something to recharge. So I get home feeling a little bit peeved after having to stay almost an hour extra at work, (The store closes at 6:00) to do some things for my Mom. The first thing I heard when I walked in the door was, "Oh hey, thanks for those papers you brought home for me. Would you mind running Ben up to Grandma's house for singing practice?"
-_-
And I was thinking. "Um, yes. Yes I would mind, thank you very much. I'm tired and I want to go do something else." But I didn't say that. I grumbled something about being tired, grabbed Ben, and got in the car. I drove him up there. Found out that it wasn't actually at Grandma's house, but at the farm. Grumbled a bit. Dropped him off, went home, and was actually in a half decent mood when I got home. Went and visited the neighbors for an hour or so. Came downstairs, got on my computer for about 45 minutes. Then I went out to weed my garden. Which is actually the family garden. It's just that they have labeled it as mine. So I guess it is. Anyway, I went out to weed the garden, and I did for about an hour intermingled with helping the neighbors with some things and talking with them. So I come home at about 9:45. I was tired. So I start to go downstairs and I hear, "Hey Dal? Will you do the dishes before you go downstairs?"
There are times when I wish the Lord wouldn't have directly stated that obeying one's parents is a commandment and an important thing to do.
So I turn around and start doing the dishes. Grumbling all the way. My Mom is just down the hall giving some of the kidos a bath.
So I stood there. Doing the dishes. Thinking about how lazy my siblings are. They really aren't that lazy. They get a lot done. Just. Not. What. My. Mom. Tells. Them. To. Do.
And I try really hard to obey my parents. I really do. So when I have to do my sibling's chores, (Dishes is not one of their chores, but I do their chores all the time with watering and chickens and house jobs and such.) because they ran off to do something else without finishing, it is a difficult thing for me to swallow with humility and meekness.
My pride got the best of me for a moment. So I turned to my Mom and started going off on some angry rant about how lazy my siblings are. She told me there's not much she can do about it because they don't listen, so if I wanted it to change, I needed to change it myself.
That wasn't the answer I was looking for.
So I sat there. Doing the dishes. Grumbling. Making my life miserable. And then God told me this. He said, "Dallin, you need to kill your pride. Now. Your pride is not worth your eternal salvation. If you become proud now, it will lead you down a path of great destruction. Be still for a moment and listen to Me."
So I took a deep breath, and listened. God taught me about leaders. He said,
"You have been told in the past to lead by example. You do that very well. Thank you. Let me teach you something more. When leading by example, remember that there is more to it than what you do. It's how you do it. If you're constantly exclaiming to everyone around you how much more you're doing than they are, you're defeating your entire purpose. A leader that effectively leads by example leads by quiet example always."
Woah. Okay. I'll do that. Haha. :D
The interesting thing for me about talking with God is that I don't ever hear Him loudly or really even feel Him strongly in most cases. I have to listen closely and feel carefully. If I don't I miss what He has to say. Well, I listened today. And I'm glad I did.
Thanks, God. I love to feel you in my life.
So remember, my friends. There are two morals to this story.
#1 Effective leaders lead by quiet example always. People will pick up on what is being done eventually, even if it takes a long time. When they do pick up on it though, what you have done will be much more effective than if you had said anything.
#2 God speaks super quietly. If you're not making a conscious effort to know His will and His word, you're probably going to miss it.
Now go forth and make the world better, my friends. :D
Love,
Dallin

Modesty

There has been a lot of discussion on modesty lately. So I'm going to chip in my thoughts.
Let's start with a bold statement. That's a good way to start an article.
There is nothing inherently wrong with complete nakedness. Hence there is nothing inherently wrong with walking down the street completely naked even when everyone else is fully clothed.
^^^Those statements will be explained throughout the article.
Modesty is a word that, in terms of clothing length, wasn't even a real thing until recently. The way modesty has been defined for most of the history of the world is a word that is very similar to the words humble and meek. It was more about why you were wearing what you were wearing than what exactly you were wearing. I can't imagine that when the the men of old dressed in sackcloth, shaved their heads, and sprinkled ashes on their heads they were modest by whatever clothing modesty standards we have today. It was probably something like this, which if you are going by knee length apparel with sleeves on the top is not modest. Also, he was probably not wearing underwear under that. Just to point that out.

Also, if it is a sin to have clothing that doesn't go to your knees and cover your top, how could Adam and Eve do so in the Garden of Eden when they were there and not be thrown out?
Because of what I said before. It is not inherently wrong to be completely naked, or dress however you will. You should not feel ashamed of your body. Ever.
So if this is true, why do we even wear clothing at all?
God told us that our body is like a temple. We clothe our bodies not so much to cover our nakedness, but to show respect for the gift that God gave us. Our bodies really are a gift. Your body is a gift directly from God to you. Remember that. Take care of it.
So why the big fuss about modesty?
There are two extremes on this issue. Both deal mostly with women, so that's what we'll argue, though keep in mind that all the same principles apply to men as well. One extreme that says that women can wear whatever they want and that they should be sexy and hot. The other says that the first is sinful and that women are responsible for the thoughts of men, so they must always dress very modestly so as to keep the men thinking cleanly.
What terrible ideas. Both of them.
Let's address the first one.
The first one objectifies women. It makes them sound like sexual objects. It makes them feel like sexual objects. Some of them find pleasure in that. None of them find happiness. If a young man hears that women should be sexy his entire growing up, it's no wonder that he will see them as objects used only for his own sexual gratification.
Let's now address the second one.
The second one objectifies women.
Yup. Pretty much. Young women, if anyone ever tells you that you are the reason the young men are having dirty thoughts, they are hypocrites and are objectifying you as sexual objects just as much as any person of the first opinion. Ignore those people's words. Treat them with love, but ignore their opinion on modesty. Why does this opinion make women sexual objects? Think about it. I think you'll find the answer all on your own. If not, ask me in the comments. I'll help you figure it out.

To summarize this article:
My friend, treat yourself with respect, okay? Okay.
Have a marvelous day. :)

Courage

I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It’s when you know you’re licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. -Atticus Finch. To Kill a Mockingbird

Courage is everything. Maya Angelou said:

Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.

I do not agree with Ms. Angelou completely. I would change the wording. But no matter how I would change it, the underlying principle is true. Courage determines virtue. Are you being as virtuous as you ought to be? Yes? Good. I admire you. I really do. You are a strong person. Thank you for being who you are.
It is a common misconception that the presence of fear indicates the absence of courage. Such is not the case. The people with the greatest courage do not live without fear. In fact, courage requires fear to exist. Without fear there is no courage. And everybody has fear. Fear gives man the choice to be courageous.
 The strongest and the best men ever to live dealt with fear. Even the best man dealt with fear.
Jesus Christ. Our Savior. Our Redeemer.
It would be a lie, I think, to say that Christ wasn't sometimes afraid. Afraid to be tortured. Afraid to be crucified. God didn't make Christ without fear. Because Christ had to be a man too. Just like you and I. He couldn't be more than we are and still understand us. He couldn't be more and still atone for our sins. The plan of salvation doesn't work that way. He was one of us. And yet, he overcame fear. He overcame death. He overcame sin. His life and his work was a conscious decision, not a destiny set in stone. Christ too had agency.
Fear is of the devil. It is a tactic, a trick. Something to make us see our reality as it could be and not really as it is. It's an illusion. The devil laughs when you are afraid. He knows that he is winning. Because you're not seeing the world properly. You're seeing it through a series of maybes. Not as it is.
There are many ways to deal with fear. But one in particular that works very well, I have found. Do what you are told to do by people all the time.
Live in the moment.
I'm serious. Live in the moment.
Fear does not exist in the present. You are not afraid of right now. What you are afraid of is the next second. Or hour. Or day. Or year. Again. Fear does not exist in the present. Fear is a thing of the future. Remember that.
So have courage, my friends! Right now in the moment you read this, you feel no fear about now. But you do fear tomorrow. That's fine. What are you going to do about it? A defensive approach to fear is the worst thing you can do. You have to attack! Fear is a coward! Fear is afraid of you. It will back down every time if you challenge it. Go jump off of the high dive. Call that girl. Talk to that guy. Repent. Mend that friendship. Forgive someone who hurt you. Trust somebody who hurt you.
Live unbound.
Live unbound from fear.
Live unbound from the devil.
Live unbound from your insecurities.
Live unbound.

It's going to hurt you. I promise. But courage comes when fear does. And usually fear comes with pain. But with pain often times comes joy.
Find your courage. Make your mark. Defeat fear.
Then be happy. Feel free. Feel peace once more.
It's worth all the pain. I promise.
Love,
Dallin

I Feel So Dark

I don't understand what I feel.
Whatever it is, it just feels dark. It feels almost numbing. It feels pointless. Hopeless. Lost.
Why? What did I do? I haven't done anything wrong. I've done the right things. Kept my responsibilities for the most part. Loved my neighbor. Been a kind friend. Followed Christ with faith.
The normal.
And still. I feel dark. I feel numb. Empty. Lost. Confused. Tired. Lonely.
I miss the light. I miss feeling good. And happy. And like life is worthwhile and people are basically good.
The light just doesn't seem to come.
Not to say I never feel it. I feel the light all the time. I feel loved. I feel happy. I feel accepted. But I don't feel content. Not like I used to. It used to be that I could be all alone and be completely happy and content with myself for days.
Now I hardly feel content for minutes. And then the darkness comes again. The ever pressing, relentless darkness that is so heavy that sometimes I don't feel like I can shrug it off.
I really don't understand. I wish I did. I wish I would hurry up and figure it out. Because it hurts. And I don't know how to make the darkness go away.
It's like a cloud on a sunny day. But this cloud doesn't go away for weeks. And it doesn't even rain. It just blocks the sun. It makes the world dreary. Lacking of color. Lacking of light. Because not even the stars can be seen but from the mountain tops above the clouds.
Do you feel dark too?
I hope not. It's sad. It makes life feel pointless.
What do you do to be rid of the darkness though? Do you have an answer for me? Do you understand what I'm trying to explain?
I dunno.
I just miss the light. You feel?

Why Don't You Listen to Me?

A lady and a man become acquainted. 
"Hello! :D "
"Hi. :) "
They spend time together.
Life happens.
Pretty soon we hear...
"I love you."
"I love you too."
Life goes on.
Many things happen.
Pretty soon "I love you" is no longer said, but instead we hear...
"Why don't you listen to me?"
"I am! You're the one that's not listening!"
More hurtful words.
Less mended pain.
More hurtful thoughts.
Less shared feelings.
More broken relationships.
Less caring people. 
Repeat Cycle

That cycle is happening right now. Somebody somewhere is feeling that anger. Hearing those words. Living that cycle.
To a certain extent most of us are.
While this post is geared toward family relations, specifically those between a husband and wife, it applies to many other relations as well.
And it makes me so sad.
So very, very sad.
Why can't we all just get along?
I don't know. I really don't. I wish I did.

I have an idea though. It has been my experience that fear is what motivates the "Listen to me" dialogue. Fear... But fear of what?
What would make someone so afraid as to fight with the person that they love more than anyone else in the world? Their friend. Their companion. Their mate. What type of fear is that strong?
I have come to the conclusion that fear of judgment is what makes someone so afraid.
People don't like to be judged by anybody. But when you feel judged by your soulmate, when you see that look of pity and shame or anger that resides in their eyes and are hurt by it, it hurts in a terrible way. An indescribable way. And it's hard to heal.
And I know. A 16 year old giving marriage advise to adults. What do I know about married life?
Just be patient. I am more wise than I appear to be. I am wrong sometimes, but I think I'm right on this one.
Being judged hurts. So if you want a person to listen to you, or if you want a person to trust you with what they have to say, quit judging them. Take what they have to say and give it your honest consideration. There should be no anger involved. No preconceived answers or assumptions. No bias. Only a sincere desire to love and care for the other person. Then is when a person will listen to you. Then is when a person will talk openly with you. That is when you will find peace in a relationship.
The real question is, are you ready to set your pride down for the person you love most?
Or is your pride more important?
Think about it.

Don't Kill Their Happiness

This is my brother Ben.

He is one of the happiest people I have ever known. He is always smiling. Always trying to uplift. Always making the world a better place.
Do you know what the sad thing is?
Doctors say that Ben will be dead by 21.
Ben, along with his twin sister Rebekah and my other sister Rachel have a rare genetic disease called Ataxia-Telangiectasia. Basically Ben, Bekah and Rachel are missing a protein in their brain called the ATM protein. Their bodies don't repair DNA correctly and their cerebellum is deteriorating rapidly.
This is a picture of Rebekah and Rachel.

These beautiful children. My siblings. My friends.
They are all supposed to be in wheelchairs by the time they are 10.
Not able to speak by 14.
Dead by 21.
And while we are breaking a lot of these molds and predictions with so many prayers and a lot of research, (Mostly done by my incredible Mother) their bodies are still deteriorating. More slowly than other A-T children, (My siblings are in the top 5% in the entire world as to how well they are doing) but still going downhill.
Think about that for a moment.
These children have lived their entire lives with this knowledge.
Yet... They are still so exceptional.
Ben, as mentioned before, is so happy. So very happy. He glows. And although we can't always understand what he's trying to say, we can see the way his eyes light up with a soul too big for his body.
And Rebekah, she is so sweet. What a tender and loving soul. When I walk into the house, most of the time the first thing I hear is Bekah running down the hall to give me a hug. She's always serving. Always trying to make life better for everyone around her.
And Rachel. She's just spunky. But in a cheerful sort of way. She's so happy.

I believe that God gave them the gift of joy and love to be able to deal with the lives they have been given. I don't know how else to explain it. I don't know if I could be the way they are in the situation they are in. I don't know if I'm strong enough for that.
Sometimes, it hurts. They try so hard to be like everyone else. I don't even know if they realize that they are different most of the time. But they are. The older boys, Spencer, Enoch, and I, we're Ben's idols. Anything we do he will do in a heartbeat. Spencer, Enoch, and I are all very good athletes.
But Ben... Chances are he never will be.
His great dreams and hopes all lie on the baseball field and in the football team.
But those are dreams that he probably will never accomplish.
He probably will never be an MLB player. He'll probably never step out onto Yankee Stadium and hit one over the fence. He is just not physically capable of that type of thing.
And one day, he's going to realize that.
And it breaks my heart.
Bekah, her greatest aspiration is to be a mother. It's her dream. But... She probably never will be.
She probably will never have her own children.
Never rock her baby to sleep.
Maybe never even marry.
And it breaks my heart.
Rachel is too young to really tell what her dreams are. But chances are...
If they're a pursuit that extends past mid-twenties, she will probably never attain them.
And again, it breaks my heart.
They don't have very long on this Earth without the revelation of a major miracle.
So why would we make their lives anything but wonderful?
Why not let Ben try baseball?
Why not let Rebekah play with dolls?
Why not let Rachel just be herself?
Why not treat them like they're a normal kid? Maybe give them some hope.
The doctors... They've never said anything to Ben, Bekah, and Rachel about hope.
They've only said to take these drugs and try to live another year.
And yet hope is what is keeping them alive. It's the reason they are in the top 5% in the world for how well they're doing. It's the reason that at the age of 10 Ben and Bekah still ride bikes instead of wheelchairs. It's what allows them to be happy.

When people like this cross your path in life, don't treat them differently than anybody else. Don't pretend like they're disabled, because they're not. I hate the word disabled. They have the ability to do just as great of things as you and I do.
Don't kill their joy.
Don't focus on the bad things. Instead lift them up. Tell them how wonderful they are. See the light that they contain. Give them your love. I believe that the thing that kills more people than anything else is a lack of hope, and a focus on the bad things that could happen. Nothing is certain. It is not certain that my siblings will be dead by 21. To be honest, I believe that they will live full and long lives. I really do. I believe that Bekah can one day be a mother. I believe that Ben can one day be a professional athlete. I believe that Rachel can fulfill all of her dreams.
I didn't say that it wouldn't take work. It will. For these things to happen, we basically have to change the genetic structure of their bodies. We have to heal them. But God never said to give up hope in any circumstance, so we shall hold fast to hope and keep the faith.
Maybe they'll live. Maybe they'll fulfill all of their dreams. Maybe they'll change the world.
Maybe they won't.
Regardless of whether they do or don't, I believe in them. And whether my belief is well grounded or not, one thing is certain.
In the end, all will be well.
All will be well.
And Ben, you go, Superman.