I Don't Feel, and I Miss It

Sometimes I amaze myself at how little I feel.
Seeing this from a completely logical perspective.
But I miss feeling things.
I miss feeling a lot of things. And, really, I do feel most things. Happiness and pain. Anger and sadness. Joy and hope.
I just lack feeling connected. I think that's what it boils down to. I love my friends so much. But I don't feel connected to them. Not like I used to, and that is not their fault. My friends online I don't feel connected to for reasons unknown to me. My friends in person I don't feel connected to because I seldom if ever see them. That's my fault, really.
But why? Why even when I am with these people do I struggle to feel? It's interesting to observe, but it's lonely to experience. I don't know what I did. I don't know what changed. Whatever it was, I wish I could change it. I desire to change it. It just feels like every time I begin to connect with somebody, I hit a wall. A wall so great that I can't jump it. I can't dig under. I can't go around, and I can't climb it. I have to break it. But I have no clue how. My efforts of will seem to come to nothing. My ideas of what is wrong all seem to come to naught. I feel helpless.
And it makes me frustrated. Because I miss that. I miss being chatted by someone saying, "Hey Dallin! I've got this grand epiphany to share with you!" And then really feeling their words as they spell out their ideas to me. I miss having my own epiphany as they share theirs. I miss feeling happy with myself and happy in my relations with friends.
I miss feeling good in plain old casual conversation with my friends.
I want to feel those things so bad.
But I don't.
Oh well.
Life goes on.