I love eyes.
Oh goodness. I really do. Eyes are marvelous.
Lately, I've really been paying attention to people's eyes. More than my regular passing glance. I've been watching closely. Trying to learn something from everybody I meet without saying anything at all. It's pretty amazing some of the things I've learned.
I think the biggest epiphany I've had though is that there is not a single person in the world that doesn't have beautiful eyes. Trust me. I've looked. And though I've not been around the world, I've seen it. The internet made that possible.
Your eyes are beautiful. Why? Because your soul shows through your eyes. There are ways to enhance the outer beauty of the eyes, but that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about looking past the makeup and eye color. Into the soul of the other person. There is light there. It doesn't matter if you are Hitler or Ghandi. There is light. Some men have very little. They've suppressed it. Some men haven't done anything with that light, only left it to remain still. But then there are those who cultivate that light. Those are the people who have the most beautiful eyes.
It is said that when giving a speech, it doesn't matter what you say to the people, because people will never remember your words. But people will remember how you made them feel. That statement applies to a person's eyes too. Sometimes when you look at a person, their presence strikes you. You automatically gravitate towards them. Why? Because of the light in their eyes, I believe. Something in each of us outside of conscious thought is really good at seeing the light in other people's eyes, and when that something recognizes the sort of light you are most seeking in another person, it signals your brain. BAM! You are struck by their presence. You may not even notice that they have beautiful eyes. But if you look, you'll see that they do. Everybody does, because the eyes tell a story that the mouth cannot. The eyes tell the story of the good and the bad. The suffering and the glory. The trials and joy. There is a reason that it's difficult to look people in the eyes. Sometimes you see more than you want to, or give away pieces of yourself which you wished to keep hidden. If you divert your eyes, other people have a harder time seeing that.
Really, they eyes are the key to vulnerability and authenticity.
So look closely next time you're out. Maybe even spend an hour on a park bench watching people's eyes as they walk by. You'll learn a lot more than you'd think.
Try it. Maybe you'll see what I see.
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Saturday, August 23, 2014
I Don't Feel, and I Miss It
Sometimes I amaze myself at how little I feel.
Seeing this from a completely logical perspective.
But I miss feeling things.
I miss feeling a lot of things. And, really, I do feel most things. Happiness and pain. Anger and sadness. Joy and hope.
I just lack feeling connected. I think that's what it boils down to. I love my friends so much. But I don't feel connected to them. Not like I used to, and that is not their fault. My friends online I don't feel connected to for reasons unknown to me. My friends in person I don't feel connected to because I seldom if ever see them. That's my fault, really.
But why? Why even when I am with these people do I struggle to feel? It's interesting to observe, but it's lonely to experience. I don't know what I did. I don't know what changed. Whatever it was, I wish I could change it. I desire to change it. It just feels like every time I begin to connect with somebody, I hit a wall. A wall so great that I can't jump it. I can't dig under. I can't go around, and I can't climb it. I have to break it. But I have no clue how. My efforts of will seem to come to nothing. My ideas of what is wrong all seem to come to naught. I feel helpless.
And it makes me frustrated. Because I miss that. I miss being chatted by someone saying, "Hey Dallin! I've got this grand epiphany to share with you!" And then really feeling their words as they spell out their ideas to me. I miss having my own epiphany as they share theirs. I miss feeling happy with myself and happy in my relations with friends.
I miss feeling good in plain old casual conversation with my friends.
I want to feel those things so bad.
But I don't.
Oh well.
Life goes on.
Seeing this from a completely logical perspective.
But I miss feeling things.
I miss feeling a lot of things. And, really, I do feel most things. Happiness and pain. Anger and sadness. Joy and hope.
I just lack feeling connected. I think that's what it boils down to. I love my friends so much. But I don't feel connected to them. Not like I used to, and that is not their fault. My friends online I don't feel connected to for reasons unknown to me. My friends in person I don't feel connected to because I seldom if ever see them. That's my fault, really.
But why? Why even when I am with these people do I struggle to feel? It's interesting to observe, but it's lonely to experience. I don't know what I did. I don't know what changed. Whatever it was, I wish I could change it. I desire to change it. It just feels like every time I begin to connect with somebody, I hit a wall. A wall so great that I can't jump it. I can't dig under. I can't go around, and I can't climb it. I have to break it. But I have no clue how. My efforts of will seem to come to nothing. My ideas of what is wrong all seem to come to naught. I feel helpless.
And it makes me frustrated. Because I miss that. I miss being chatted by someone saying, "Hey Dallin! I've got this grand epiphany to share with you!" And then really feeling their words as they spell out their ideas to me. I miss having my own epiphany as they share theirs. I miss feeling happy with myself and happy in my relations with friends.
I miss feeling good in plain old casual conversation with my friends.
I want to feel those things so bad.
But I don't.
Oh well.
Life goes on.
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Power Struggle: Advice to Parents on How to Deal With Teens
Oh the power struggle.
Adult vs. Emerging Adult.
What a silly, silly thing.
It doesn't do anybody any good. Nobody is benefiting from this fight. Everybody loses. Adult loses respect of child, child loses faith in adult. Nobody wins.
So, let's start with why.
It's important to start with a why.
Why am I writing this post?
I am writing because I believe my words have the potential to help parents and children to get along better.
That being said, here we go.
We all know the scenario.
Child does something parent doesn't like. Parent warns child to stop. Child continues. Parent threatens child. Child continues. Parent punishes child. Child resents parent. Child waits until parent isn't looking and does said act again until caught. Parent finds out and punishes child more severely. Child resents parent even more, and rebels with more vigor. Parent punishes with more vigor. Anger and resentment build, relationships and families are broken. Repeat cycle.
How do we break that cycle?
That's a good question. It's a vicious cycle that escalates quickly.
It starts in the heart of the parent.
How does the parent respond to disobedience internally? I ask this question because it doesn't matter how the parent responds externally. If they feel something different internally than they do externally, what's inside will come out eventually with more vigor than it should as a result of being bottled up. Bottled up feelings never leave until released. They never just go away. It takes conscious effort to be rid of them. Beside that, children are especially sensitive. They can feel bottled up feelings. Act externally as you feel internally, and then if what you did was wrong, change how you think so you may change how you act.
There are basically two ways to respond to rebellion.
#1 Respond with force.
Responding with force is great in the fact that it does no good at all. Sure, it gets immediate results. Especially initially. The problem with responding with force is that the parent isn't actually teaching the child anything. The parent is imposing their will upon the child and expecting them to conform without a question. This makes a child feel squished. Stomped on. Children have dreams and hopes. Ideas and questions. If a parent never addresses those, how can they expect a child to learn and grow? How can a parent expect a child to learn how to be a good, decent person? The use of force is the worst way to raise a child.
#2 Respond with guidance.
Responding with guidance is difficult. A parent will never get the immediate results they desire which they would from force. However, being a parent isn't about imposing your will upon your child. It's about teaching them how to be a good person. Responding with guidance requires greater effort on the parent's part, and greater willingness to deal with the consequences of their children's actions. Parents must remember, as soon as children are born they start making decisions. People will fail. People will make mistakes. If a parent does not allow their child to make decisions for themselves, (even if those decisions are mistakes) while they're at home, how does a parent expect their child to make proper decisions when they leave home? Unless their child is in mortal danger, parents should very seldom if ever use force. Using guidance is a great thing. It's not just about letting a child make mistakes. It's about letting a child develop confidence in him/herself. It's about allowing a child to be a child, no matter what kind of mistakes they make. Children are smart. One way or another they'll figure out what's right and what's wrong. Parents must be patient in the meantime. When a child is going into a situation where the parent thinks they may do something wrong, a parent should give advice and then respect the decision that the child makes. Eventually, as the child learns that the parent is right, the child will come to the parent for advice with an open heart. That is a healthy relationship.
A word of caution on giving advice.
When giving advice to anybody, especially a child, it needs to really be advice. It must not be a command phrased like advice. That's worse than a straightforward command, because it makes the parent seem sly and untrustworthy. If a person gives advice and then gets angry when the person they give advice to doesn't follow it, that's not advice. That's a command. Advice must be given with the understanding that whomever it is given to has the choice to accept it or not. Also, advice given that is not welcome is worse than not saying anything at all. A person is wise to make sure their advice will be accepted before they say anything at all. One good way of doing that is simply to ask. May I give you a piece of advice? If they say no, don't give it. Plain and simple. If they say yes, speak gently and with love. Any other way will be far less effective.
Basically, a parent ought to treat their child like they were given that child from God himself.
Because they were.
Remember that.
A person may say, "You are 16, what do you know about raising children?" or, "You haven't met my child. You have no clue how hard this would be."
To both of those points I concede. That person would be correct. I have never raised a child of my own. I don't know their child. That's correct. And that's okay. They are entitled to their opinions. But I am correct. I never said that this way of raising children would be easy. I never said I had experience in it. I never even said that children will grow up to be the adult that the parent wants them to be. But the child will have made that decision for him/herself.
I may be naive, but I am not foolish. I understand what being a parent is about. It's about being an example for my children. Guiding. Loving. Respecting. Taking care of and providing a living for. Teaching them what I believe to be true. And, in all of this, allowing them to maintain their agency.
I understand that it will be difficult. How difficult? I do not know. But God will help me.
So, I have a question for you.
Are you raising your children properly?
Or, if you do not yet have children,
Do you intend to raise them properly?
It's something to think about. Think long and hard, because this is a duty given to you by God.
Don't let Him down.
Adult vs. Emerging Adult.
What a silly, silly thing.
It doesn't do anybody any good. Nobody is benefiting from this fight. Everybody loses. Adult loses respect of child, child loses faith in adult. Nobody wins.
So, let's start with why.
It's important to start with a why.
Why am I writing this post?
I am writing because I believe my words have the potential to help parents and children to get along better.
That being said, here we go.
We all know the scenario.
Child does something parent doesn't like. Parent warns child to stop. Child continues. Parent threatens child. Child continues. Parent punishes child. Child resents parent. Child waits until parent isn't looking and does said act again until caught. Parent finds out and punishes child more severely. Child resents parent even more, and rebels with more vigor. Parent punishes with more vigor. Anger and resentment build, relationships and families are broken. Repeat cycle.
How do we break that cycle?
That's a good question. It's a vicious cycle that escalates quickly.
It starts in the heart of the parent.
How does the parent respond to disobedience internally? I ask this question because it doesn't matter how the parent responds externally. If they feel something different internally than they do externally, what's inside will come out eventually with more vigor than it should as a result of being bottled up. Bottled up feelings never leave until released. They never just go away. It takes conscious effort to be rid of them. Beside that, children are especially sensitive. They can feel bottled up feelings. Act externally as you feel internally, and then if what you did was wrong, change how you think so you may change how you act.
There are basically two ways to respond to rebellion.
#1 Respond with force.
Responding with force is great in the fact that it does no good at all. Sure, it gets immediate results. Especially initially. The problem with responding with force is that the parent isn't actually teaching the child anything. The parent is imposing their will upon the child and expecting them to conform without a question. This makes a child feel squished. Stomped on. Children have dreams and hopes. Ideas and questions. If a parent never addresses those, how can they expect a child to learn and grow? How can a parent expect a child to learn how to be a good, decent person? The use of force is the worst way to raise a child.
#2 Respond with guidance.
Responding with guidance is difficult. A parent will never get the immediate results they desire which they would from force. However, being a parent isn't about imposing your will upon your child. It's about teaching them how to be a good person. Responding with guidance requires greater effort on the parent's part, and greater willingness to deal with the consequences of their children's actions. Parents must remember, as soon as children are born they start making decisions. People will fail. People will make mistakes. If a parent does not allow their child to make decisions for themselves, (even if those decisions are mistakes) while they're at home, how does a parent expect their child to make proper decisions when they leave home? Unless their child is in mortal danger, parents should very seldom if ever use force. Using guidance is a great thing. It's not just about letting a child make mistakes. It's about letting a child develop confidence in him/herself. It's about allowing a child to be a child, no matter what kind of mistakes they make. Children are smart. One way or another they'll figure out what's right and what's wrong. Parents must be patient in the meantime. When a child is going into a situation where the parent thinks they may do something wrong, a parent should give advice and then respect the decision that the child makes. Eventually, as the child learns that the parent is right, the child will come to the parent for advice with an open heart. That is a healthy relationship.
A word of caution on giving advice.
When giving advice to anybody, especially a child, it needs to really be advice. It must not be a command phrased like advice. That's worse than a straightforward command, because it makes the parent seem sly and untrustworthy. If a person gives advice and then gets angry when the person they give advice to doesn't follow it, that's not advice. That's a command. Advice must be given with the understanding that whomever it is given to has the choice to accept it or not. Also, advice given that is not welcome is worse than not saying anything at all. A person is wise to make sure their advice will be accepted before they say anything at all. One good way of doing that is simply to ask. May I give you a piece of advice? If they say no, don't give it. Plain and simple. If they say yes, speak gently and with love. Any other way will be far less effective.
Basically, a parent ought to treat their child like they were given that child from God himself.
Because they were.
Remember that.
A person may say, "You are 16, what do you know about raising children?" or, "You haven't met my child. You have no clue how hard this would be."
To both of those points I concede. That person would be correct. I have never raised a child of my own. I don't know their child. That's correct. And that's okay. They are entitled to their opinions. But I am correct. I never said that this way of raising children would be easy. I never said I had experience in it. I never even said that children will grow up to be the adult that the parent wants them to be. But the child will have made that decision for him/herself.
I may be naive, but I am not foolish. I understand what being a parent is about. It's about being an example for my children. Guiding. Loving. Respecting. Taking care of and providing a living for. Teaching them what I believe to be true. And, in all of this, allowing them to maintain their agency.
I understand that it will be difficult. How difficult? I do not know. But God will help me.
So, I have a question for you.
Are you raising your children properly?
Or, if you do not yet have children,
Do you intend to raise them properly?
It's something to think about. Think long and hard, because this is a duty given to you by God.
Don't let Him down.
Sunday, August 10, 2014
If I Had a Million Dollars
If I had a million dollars, I would serve the world.
I'd go to Africa and do more than spend a couple of weeks there and have a feel good story to remember years later. I'd go to Africa and live there for a couple of months or a year and really get to know the people. Understand the place. I'd serve them, love them, and become one of them.
I'd go to South America and learn how they live. I'd become one of them. I'd teach them, learn from them, love them, and serve them.
I'd go to the homeless shelters in America and teach the homeless how to become wealthy, but more than that, I'd learn how to be poor from them. There is more wisdom in that than you'd think.
I would climb to the very top of Mount Everest itself and proclaim to the world the light of Christ.
You see, that's the way to bring people out of poverty.
That's the way to make people wealthy.
That's the way to happiness.
The light of Christ.
Love of all men.
See, it all comes down to one point, and the point is this.
That if I really, sincerely love you, and you really, sincerely love me, the world will change.
Poverty will disappear almost overnight. Hate will be gone.
Violence, envy, war, corruption, lying, pride, anger, resentment.
Gone overnight.
So you see, the way to change the world is to show the people in it how to love each other.
Because if I sincerely love you, and you sincerely love me, and we sincerely love every one else, and they love us, the human genius will be unlocked.
All of a sudden, with the disappearance of sin, will also come the disappearance of hunger. Poverty will be gone. Slavery and tyranny will cease to exist.
The world will prosper beyond comprehension.
So you want to change the world?
Love other people.
If I had a million dollars, I would spend it teaching people how to love.
That's what I'd do.
What about you?
I'd go to Africa and do more than spend a couple of weeks there and have a feel good story to remember years later. I'd go to Africa and live there for a couple of months or a year and really get to know the people. Understand the place. I'd serve them, love them, and become one of them.
I'd go to South America and learn how they live. I'd become one of them. I'd teach them, learn from them, love them, and serve them.
I'd go to the homeless shelters in America and teach the homeless how to become wealthy, but more than that, I'd learn how to be poor from them. There is more wisdom in that than you'd think.
I would climb to the very top of Mount Everest itself and proclaim to the world the light of Christ.
You see, that's the way to bring people out of poverty.
That's the way to make people wealthy.
That's the way to happiness.
The light of Christ.
Love of all men.
See, it all comes down to one point, and the point is this.
That if I really, sincerely love you, and you really, sincerely love me, the world will change.
Poverty will disappear almost overnight. Hate will be gone.
Violence, envy, war, corruption, lying, pride, anger, resentment.
Gone overnight.
So you see, the way to change the world is to show the people in it how to love each other.
Because if I sincerely love you, and you sincerely love me, and we sincerely love every one else, and they love us, the human genius will be unlocked.
All of a sudden, with the disappearance of sin, will also come the disappearance of hunger. Poverty will be gone. Slavery and tyranny will cease to exist.
The world will prosper beyond comprehension.
So you want to change the world?
Love other people.
If I had a million dollars, I would spend it teaching people how to love.
That's what I'd do.
What about you?
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Untitled
My heart feels good tonight.
I feel at ease. Comfortable. Happy. Full of love for all people.
I feel like the gates of my heart have been opened. Like my heart which I have guarded so closely for the last while is finally free. I feel like I can really love people again. Without reserve. I don't feel scared or ashamed. I feel peace.
Come, see my heart. See my soul. It's okay. Those things were meant to be seen. Never hidden, but shown forth like a medal, a badge of great honor. Honor so great that it was bestowed upon me by God himself.
What a wonderful blessing.
I just want to scream to the world,
I am not ashamed! :D
Isn't it wonderful? :D
Come, be a part of me. Of my life. Of who I am. I would love that. I really would. Because I love you.
I love you.
I really do.
Isn't it wonderful? :D
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