I Don't Know What To Name This Post. 'Overcoming Emotional Garbage and Shame Gremlins', Maybe? xD

Sometimes I feel like such a poor friend.
I feel like I fail so often to show my friends how much I really care about them, and I'm not certain how often I succeed.
:-/
I just want to be a better man. I'm trying so hard.
I feel so tired.
Can I ever really know that they know I love them? I'm not sure. I want them to know.
A poem which I was given once came to my mind a lot today. It begins:

I am no proper friend, I feel
My heart gone numb, my colors steel.

This is how I feel today.
I want to reach out and give love to these people, and I feel this incredible amount of demotivation to do so. It's like there is this fear.  Deep fear. Blinding fear. Deafening fear. It fills my senses until there is little but blankness. Numbness.
I feel like I'm constantly turning people away. Honestly, sometimes I'm amazed that other people actually talk with me. Why would they talk with me? I constantly push them away from me. In my thoughts, in my deeds, in my tones of voice. Rarely do I push away with my words.
I feel so tired.
Pain pain pain pain.
I feel boggled. Distracted. Even alone.
Alone.
I don't feel like that an awful lot of the time. Sometimes I do. I am not alone, however.
See, the reality of the situation is that I am one of a race of several billion living people. From the perspective of all humanity who ever lived, my situation is not unique.
I am not alone.
There are those who have felt this before. They made it. So can I. They will help me and cheer me on because those who really experienced what I experience in the way which I experience believe the same things which I believe. They believe that these things can be overcome. And then they do it.
I do not belong with the pessimists nor those who never overcame. That is not who I am determined to be. I strive for something greater. I strive to be a better man and I BELIEVE that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I will overcome all things.
I was not created to end.
Let's say that again.
I was not created to end.
There will be endings and there will be things which come to a close. I am not one of those. My name is Dallin Ward and I was CREATED ON PURPOSE BY A GOD WHO LOVES ME.
And I love Him too.

*Breathes*
Okay. I can do this. This is manageable.
Today I am not a perfect man. I may put off and ignore my friends and myself. I may speak things which people find hurt in. I may make great mistakes and lose friends who I really loved. In the end, I may lose all my friends. And I may not. I just don't know. Here's what I do know:
I am loved.
I am worthy of love.
I am capable of sharing love with other people.
Jesus Christ is my Savior and Redeemer, and I love Him.

Let's go from there. :)
Thank you, Father!

Love,
Dallin