For the longest time I thought it was the result of bottled up emotions all released at once. But I don't bottle up emotions, and I knew that, but it was the only explanation that I could find. So I stuck with it.
Today though, I have another idea. I noticed a common thread. I usually get angry when I am focused on something and then am torn away from it to do something else - especially a mundane task like house work. I don't mind housework. I actually enjoy it if I have the right music to go along with it. But for some reason when I am taken from strict concentration to something mundane, of which things housework is the most common example, I snap. And it seems to me that the reason why is because it takes so much effort to concentrate that when I actually get it my brain is like, "Ahh! I've focused! Okay, I have this module to do, and that essay to write, and this other thing, and I only have until I run out of focus. I had better hurry." And then all of a sudden 5 minutes into my work somebody calls my name. Or somebody else starts making lots of noise. And I am instantly furious with them. Something like,
"HOW DARE YOU DESTROY MY FOCUS! IT WAS A WORK OF ART! SOMETHING THAT TOOK WHAT FELT LIKE YEARS TO CREATE! DIE DIE DIE."
^^^ Something like that.
And then I feel so bad, because I usually do things that I normally wouldn't when I am angry. I say things I wouldn't normally say. And I hurt other people.
And so I try to fix this problem within myself. Because that's what I do. I fix myself. All the time. And in the process, I think I have become hesitant to even try to concentrate, because if I do and someone bothers me, I might hurt them. And I don't like hurting people. It hurts me.
But I think I've got the problem figured out now. Unless there's another part I don't understand yet. So anyways. Thanks for being interested enough in me to read that. Haha. :D
Have a wonderful day. :)
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