A Step In The Right Direction

Little. I feel so small. 
Like I'm drowning in my own soul.
I don't feel the belief in myself that radiated so strongly in me at the beginning of the semester.
I don't like feeling like this. I like to feel strong. I like to feel confident. Today I feel neither of those things.
And I know that I am strong. I know that I am confident. But I don't feel it. It's not just a mental thing. I feel it physically too. I feel weak. It's not true. I'm stronger than ever. I did 27 pullups in a row the other day. 260 pushups in 10 minutes. Squated 285 pounds. I am strong. But I don't feel it.
I feel isolated. Cold. Separated. It's interesting. I don't feel alone. I know there are people around me and people who love me. I feel their love. But I'm not sure that I love myself. Or rather, I'm not sure that I love my actions, which I sometimes use to define myself. I do love myself.
My actions aren't bad. I haven't committed any great sins or anything. I really act in an overwhelmingly good way most of the time. I just feel stagnant. Like the devil has got a hold of me and it's sixes. I'm not moving, and neither is he.
It's good to express this feeling. Contrary to my original thought, it makes me a little bit happy to write this down. I feel like I'm lifting a weight off of my soul. But I know it won't stay away for long. It's like throwing a boulder up in the air, giving me a moment of relief followed by the crushing forces of its return.
I want so much to feel good. But I don't. I feel tired.
I don't feel like I can do anything great today. But I can do something.
Today I am going to put away my laundry.
Tomorrow I am going to commit to something else, and I'm going to do it.
Though it takes moving an inch at a time and pulling against the devil every step of the way, I'm going to break this. I can do this. I am strong, I am patient, and I am a child of God.