Sometimes

Sometimes I get really frustrated with myself. Right now is one of those times.
Right now is one of those times where I just feel like I can't do anything right. I feel like my friendships are going to all crumble beneath me and I'm going to be back in the place where I was a long time ago. A place with no friends and no hope. And even though I speak of hope and how it is always there, I don't always believe that. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I feel like I walk on a tightrope, and that tightrope is life, and I'm trying to juggle my interests while staying balanced on that fragile thing that we call life. And each time an interest is thrown up, I have to consider whether or not I am capable of catching it when it comes down and still handle balancing on the tightrope of life.
And sometimes I have to let that interest fall, and that hurts so bad. Because I really do, I want to keep all of my interests and my dreams up in the air, because I love it - I love life. And each time I drop an interest I promise myself that I'll pick it up later once I can handle it - once I'm good enough to handle it. But sometimes I don't. And though I've never fallen from the tight rope, I almost jumped once. And though I have friends and family who are walking their tight ropes beside me, and who are so kind and wonderful to me, sometimes I want to walk alone. And sometimes other people ask me so fervently to help them stay balanced, and I can't help them all at once. And that hurts me. And although I've never seen another person fall, I've seen some of them come awfully close.
I guess that what I'm trying to say is that sometimes I just can't give anymore, because if I did, I would run out of me. And once I'm gone, I can't come back.