Sometimes I wonder how I can be so happy one moment and more depressed than I ever have been the next. It has never made sense to me. I mean, I know. I'm a hormonal teenager. I'm going to have mood swings. But even before. When I was that scrawny little kid down the street that was too smart for his own good. I had major mood swings. As major as a child's mood swings can get anyway. Today was one of those says. Today the Boston Marathon was bombed. so far there are 3 dead and scores wounded. One of the dead is a small child. When I heard about this, I felt like a small piece of me died. These people are my American brothers and sisters. I would proudly stand in for them if they could live another day. Alas, I could not. This made me really sad. It depressed me enough that I couldn't concentrate on my homework without a movie or music playing to get this event off of my mind. Then I went to a wrestling banquet put on by my wrestling team to present all of the awards. While there I got the outstanding freshman award. Seriously, this made my day. I was so happy. When I got home, I started to see all of this Boston Marathon bombing stuff again. And it made me super sad again. I might just have to write a separate post on that needless waste of human life. These ups and downs happen every day. Not as big as right now though. I guess that I kind of get used to it. I lost right when a win was needed most this season several times in wrestling. Those ups and downs were huge. Many times I have ups and downs when I am thinking. I will think of a person that makes me really happy. As I'm thinking about that person, often times I will remember something that we did together, or something that they said. And it will make me think about something else. Like those in the world who are starving. Or the terminally ill. Or the amount of evil in the world. Or even about the lack of understanding that our world seems to have about true happiness. Maybe even that dove that I shot the other day at the feed store. I feel bad about that. I think about the wonderful things I did as a child. The time spent with family. The happy things I've done. Then I think about the point many years ago when I was ready to take my own life. Maybe I just think too much. I was happy the day that my brother Spencer went to the hospital for what I just thought was growing pains. I promptly became sad when I learned that it wasn't just growing pains, but diabetes, and that he was on his way to primary children's hospital. Then again, I was sad the day that my Grandma died. The day that my Great Aunt June died as well. But my family was there to make me happy at those times. Another time, I was sad and wallowing in self pity at the terrible person that I make myself out to be, after I got mad at my brother and threw a basketball at his head while playing at the church. Thankfully, a dear friend of mine was kind enough to find me out in the hall and teach me some piano duets to cheer me up. It worked. I still remember those duets. Many people say that all the pain and sorrow balances out with the joy. I have to disagree. I've decided that the joy in life is way greater than the pain and sorrow if you let it be. However, if you don't let the joy overcome the sorrow, it won't. You will be as happy as you determine to be. I figure that if I determine to be happy no matter what the problem, I'll do a lot more good than if I stayed sad. Granted, there are times when it's appropriate to be sad, but I'm over dramatic sometimes.
So today, if only today, I'm going to be happy. :) You should be happy too! :D
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